Federal legislation (IDEA and 504) requires all schools to have a referral process for identification and service of students with special needs. The misfortune is that, in many schools, this process is used primarily as a means of funneling students from regular education into the evaluation process and possible special education placement. The most important purpose this can serve is to attempt to discover for what the child is controlling and how the staff might help him to achieve his goals without infringing on the rights of others. An intervention team should work to discover modifications which will enable the child to successfully participate in his education. This might be as simple as giving the student time-out passes, allowing the choice of leaving the classroom, rather than disrupting, and then returning when ready. However, the team could find the task far more challenging. Hopefully, at least one member of the team has developed a relationship with the child and has asked what it is he really wants, what he perceives as a disturbance (as getting in the way of goal attainment), and how things might work out so that he could achieve his goals without interfering with the rights of others. Often, many attempts have already been made to have the child express what he wants and what is getting in the way, but to no avail. In many instances, the child’s response is limited to the specific incident which has resulted in his current referral to the RTC. When probed further as to what the child perceives as the reason he is so often in the RTC, the response is “I don’t know,” “People tick me off,” or “This school sucks!” Controlling is automatic, not conscious-the individual does not reflect on underlying causation.

How should you proceed when the child does not provide insight? You should attempt to create successful modifications. The keys to successful modifications are these:

1. Look for patterns. I cannot stress enough the importance of careful recordkeeping in the RTC. Our RTC teacher has prepared monthly calendars with highlighted RTC visits, absences, suspensions, etc. These visual aids are of great assistance in looking for patterns that might shed light on what a child wants, what are perceived disturbances, and how to negotiate so as to reduce errors to acceptable levels while not infringing on the rights of others. Looking at patterns can help detect times of day, classes, peers, and teachers that are consistently associated with RTC referrals and specific types of activities. Some students have trouble with unstructured situations, such as changing classes, recess, and lunch. In such cases, we have had good results when the child moves to his next class five minutes before or after other students. Another useful strategy is supervised play in a designated area with one or two friends, rather than having the full reign of the playground. Once success is demonstrated, the area of play and/or the number of peers playing together can be increased.

2. Be flexible. Do not automatically assume your suggestions can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t be attempted. Do not worry that other students will resent differences in how a student with special needs works things out. I have found that children understand and accept individual differences-often more readily than adults.

3. Be creative. One of our most successful modifications was for a child who had suffered a traumatic brain injury. He was extremely impulsive, explosive, and aggressive. It was suggested that when he started to feel angry, he could put his hands into his pockets. He agreed to try this, and it was amazingly effective. The time it took to put his hands in and then pull them out seemed to put enough distance between the impulse and the act to allow him to think and choose to stop.

4. Be nonjudgmental. Often, the outcomes of a child’s choices do not reflect intended damage. Rather, the damage is an unintended consequence of pursuing a goal singlemindedly, i.e., Ted knocked down a peer when he pursued the ball; John hit a peer in a rage, later saying, "I really didn’t mean to hurt him, I just wanted him to stop calling me names." Withholding judgment does not mean the child is not responsible for the outcome. It means not attributing outcomes to assumed character defects within the child.

5. Negotiate. Always keep in mind that the purpose of a modification is to assist the child in finding a means of resolving a conflict between his wants and the rights of others. You cannot solve the problem, and you cannot make him solve the problem. You will only create more conflict if you attempt to impose rather than negotiate a modification, when imposing a "modification" becomes a euphemism for punishment.

6. Work to create a quality relationship with the child and his parents. This might seem elementary; however, often the most difficult child is the one who does not appear to be “connected” to anyone and who resists at-tempts to develop a relationship with others. Sometimes the child seems to have strong peer relationships (as in gangs) but resists developing relationships with adults. When your efforts are consistently rebuffed and a child is truly difficult, continuing to be invitational is at best a challenge. But it is a challenge worth taking. I have always found the time and difficulty of developing a relationship to be far less than dealing with the consequences of the alternative. Prisons are full of the unconnected and disenfranchised members of our society; their wreckage is what is left behind.

Developing a positive relationship with the parent or par-ents of a child experiencing difficulties in school can often be as difficult as with the child. Parents of children who are not experiencing success at school might feel the school blames them. Unfortunately, this is sometimes the case, implicitly or explicitly. I have known parents who have been told, "You need to ..." or "If you can’t or won’t or don’t help your child study, how can you expect him to learn?" Often, well-intentioned suggestions result in parents who can’t comply and who feel that the school judges them to be inadequate, and they withdraw or become hostile and defensive. Sometimes the parents’ own difficulties make relationships difficult or even impossible. Cases where relationships are impossible are usually those where serious issues of abuse and neglect are present and the parent is truly unable to even minimally be a parent. Those require the intervention of child protection agencies and law en-forcement officials.

7. Be observant. By careful observation, without judgment, you can find the greatest strengths a child possesses. Those could be the qualities on which to build your own more positive view of the child. Parents who know that you see great value in their children are more willing to work with you rather than oppose you.

8. Use a questioning process with parents, instead of telling and demanding. Questioning acknowledges you are there to serve, not dictate. "What is it that you want for John?" "Do you think ... might work?" "Do you have suggestions?" "What do you find effective at home?" Even when a parent is angry, demanding, and unreasonable, questioning can help, starting with "What is it that you want for John?" and moving to "Do you think taking responsibility for ... is going to help him be successful?" When parents are demanding something inappropriate, questions can help them reference higher-level goals for their children which conflict with what they currently want ("I want John to get a good education and have an easier life than I do." "Do you think that taking responsibility for his work is going to help him get that?") I have found that success in working with difficult parents comes from speaking to their love, even when I cannot see it, and from being ever-mindful that my job is one of service.